


Camouflage

by ForeverWhelmed



Category: Leverage
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Either Fake FBI Agents or Secretly FBI Agents the Whole Time, Short & Sweet, Sterling has an Anuerysm, the world may never know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:42:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26013571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverWhelmed/pseuds/ForeverWhelmed
Summary: Sterling has to work with the FBI and he’s going not-so-quietly insane because everyone in the FBI is utterly convinced that the two high-profile thieves who've helped steal billions are actual real, bona fide agents.
Comments: 27
Kudos: 97





	Camouflage

**Author's Note:**

> Camouflage: the act, means or result of obscuring things to deceive an enemy; concealment by some means that alters or obscures the appearance; the reason Jim Sterling's brain is going to implode. 
> 
> Perclexed on tumblr asked: Is there fic out there in the Leverage fandom where Sterling has to work with the FBI and he’s going not-so-quietly insane because everyone in the FBI is utterly convinced that Parker and Hardison are actual bone fide agents? Like, they pity Sterling because they’re just so damn good that they’ve managed to sell him on their covers as con artists? They’re such good agents that they’ve managed to fool Interpol?
> 
> I want to thank them for this absolutely brilliant prompt.

“I promise you, Agent Sterling, the bureau will do everything possible to aid Interpol during your investigation,” the junior agent said, grasping at his clipboard and files.

“You had bloody well better give me your cooperation, seeing as it’s your career on the line if we don’t solve this,” Sterling snapped, frustration building as the desk agent cowered under his glare.

“I don’t know what’s taking so long,” the agent responded nervously, “The Director should be here any minute.”

Sterling glared at him and crossed his arms over his chest, checking his watch angrily.

“I’ll count the minutes,” he threatened and the agent paled even further.

Sterling waited. The analog clock on the wall ticked, every agonizing moment passing with the crash of the second hand. Footsteps clacked against the polished linoleum hallways. The sound of footsteps got louder, and soon voices accompanied it. The junior agent gripped his files tighter and tried to pretend that he wasn’t craning his head to see who was coming. From the sound of it, it was a large group of people, one of whom was talking. The words got clearer as the group came closer to the junior agent’s desk.

“… it went extinct, like in the nineties. And I’m thinking, man this guy must be an idiot, because nobody with half a working brain cell would ever take a job at Radio Shack when they’ve got half a million in stolen watches stuffed under the bed.”

The crowd around the speaker burst into laughter.

“So anyways, I checked his story with some of my contacts, and the guy’s practically famous. Nine times, this dude bagged the score of a lifetime and freaking lost it! Nine times! He just put his duffel bag down like it was old laundry and then forgot where he put it!”

The crowd erupted, and they came into view as the speaker, a tall African American man with a standard issue FBI suit and badge, said, “I don’t know, man, these criminals are just the dumbest. Like, if I went rogue, you know they’d never catch me.”

“I could catch you.” The blonde woman walking beside him announced matter-of-factly.

The agents walking around them went “oooh.”

“You gonna take that, Thomas?” One of the suits asked.

“You seem pretty sure, Hagen,” The man grinned. “That’s alright, it’s good to be confident when you know you can’t back it up.”

The group finally reached the intersection and as they turned, Sterling finally got a glimpse of their faces. The blonde agent bristled and began to rant and the voices matched up instantly inside Sterling’s mind. He almost dropped his files in shock, then started fumbling for his Interpol badge.

“You!” He shouted raising the badge, causing the group to look at him. “You two are under arrest for impersonating officers! Call the security officers and lock down the building!”

Hardison and Parker looked at each other while Sterling grinned. This was his moment. Finally, after all the times they’d managed to weasel out of his grasp, he had them. He didn’t know how they could be dumb enough to try to infiltrate the FBI, or how unlucky (for them) it was that their con happened to fall on the exact day he was there, but either way, Sterling didn’t care.

Then the two of them burst out laughing.

“What? What are you doing? Somebody, arrest those two!” He snapped. The surrounding agents looked confused.

“Sterling! My man!” Hardison stepped forwards, holding out his hand to shake. Sterling ignored the hand.

Hardison looked back at the agents and said, “I told you about this guy, right? Best agent in Interpol.”

The group nodded and Sterling saw recognition flashing in everyone’s eyes. He didn’t know what was going on, but by the way they all hid grins and stifled giggles it didn’t seem good.

“Oh, for the love of god, what is going on?!” He demanded.

The junior agent cowered behind the desk again.

One of the agents stepped forwards. Sterling had dealt with him once before. He’d been fast tracked, getting promotion after promotion despite being dumber than a pile of rocks.

“Agent Sterling, these are two of our best undercover operatives.” Agent McSweeten introduced. He pointed at first Hardison, then Parker. “This is Agent Thomas, and my incredible wife, Agent Hagen. They’ve just returned from an eight-month special-ops mission.”

Parker stepped forwards this time and gave him a smile so sincere he had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. Meanwhile, his brain had frozen on the word “wife” while Sterling’s eyes fixated on the matching gold bands and simple diamond on the world-renowned jewel thief’s hand.

“Amanda Hagen. It’s nice to actually meet you,” she laughed like a normal, friendly person who sounded nothing like the freakish thief he’d chased across six continents for the past ten years. “What brings you to the Bureau?”

Sterling blinked hard. He blinked again and shook his head. It couldn’t be.

He’d seen a lot of crazy in his lifetime. After thirty-two years of chasing down criminals, it was impossible not to be able to consider all the possibilities, no matter how improbable.

But this, this wasn’t just improbable. This was impossible.

Parker and Hardison were con artists. They ran with Nate Ford, one of the only criminals that had ever outmatched him. Their little crusade had brought down entire criminal enterprises, ran mobs out of cities and even deposed a dictator. They’d also stolen billions while doing so.

Sterling grinned.

“Very clever. I’ll admit, it’s a very convincing act. You almost had me going for a minute. Unfortunately for you, the jig is up.”

None of the agents moved.

“Oh, come on people, they’re con artists! You can’t possibly be this stupid, can you?!” Sterling shouted.

“What’s going on here?!” A loud voice snapped. The agents all jumped, straightening and readjusting their suits.

“Director!” Sterling called, but before he could say anything else the Director held up a hand.

“I’m sorry to be late.” He looked over at the agents. “Welcome back, Hagen, Thomas. I look forward to reading your reports.”

He looked back at Sterling, gesturing towards his office.

“This way please.”

Sterling had no choice but to follow the FBI Director, spluttering and protesting the whole way as Parker and Hardison slipped away down the hallway.

**Author's Note:**

> This was short and sweet, but I could absolutely be persuaded to continue this story with enough support ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading and be sure to let me know if you enjoyed it!


End file.
